I have dreamt of this post and tried over and over to put my words together for this one, but it has been hard. I want to share our journey over the last few weeks, but the words just don't seem to say what my heart has experienced.
On August 26th, Chad and I found out that we were going to welcome baby #4 into our world on April 29th, 2010. (our 10th anniversary:-)) We were filled with shock, fear, and joy. "Choose to trust Me" and "Be Joyfully Dependent" was all I heard my Father say. Immediately my mind was filled with thoughts, dreams, and hopes of this little one.... their name, what they would look like, and how they would fit into the rhythm of our family.
One short week later, Sept. 2, fear shot through my soul as I started to experience some symptoms of complications. I once again was reminded by the Lord to "Choose to Trust" and "Be Joyfully Dependent." Man that is difficult when you are faced with an uncertain ultrasound and three different blood drawings within the next week.
On the Saturday of Labor Day, my body started the beginnings of a miscarriage. My blood levels had continued to rise until then, so for us, that day marks the beginning of the end. Even though my heart and soul were filled with amazing grief, the Lord allowed me to joyfully celebrate Tate's 3rd birthday. Later that day, Chad encouraged me to spend some time alone. My goodness, I'm so thankful for a husband that knows me so well. I spent the night at a hotel and was able to journal all my thoughts and rested without interruption. It really prepared me for the days ahead. To him I am so grateful!
So as our family joyfully welcomed the hope of a little one into our home, only weeks later, we are learning to be ok with the joyful reunion we will have with this precious one in Heaven.
As today would mark my dad's 66th birthday, I can rest in knowing that they are together.
Joyfully Grateful and Grieving Joy
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